Undoing Crazy

Dear Borderline Followers

How do you cope when you’ve been talking to him everyday for years and he tells you you can’t?


Thank You

I received my 40th follower this morning.

I’m so excited that many people want to listen to what I have to say.

Thank you again

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Just when I was up I get dragged down

Because I’m not sure who reads this blog, I’m not going to go into specifics about exactly what happened last week. Although I promise to mention it to my individual therapist. I did skip group therapy tonight as I had the day off and the weather was bad and really I just didn’t want to leave the house.

Last week, Valentine’s Day to be exact. Which I should mention I decided not to be a grouch about still being single, but in a meeting one comment could almost drag me back to the hospital. I received a first shift position at my job due to a previous operator’s resignation. He was notorious for being a bad operator, with almost daily paperwork errors and “surprises” for the next step in our jobs. An ex boss made a comment about how this year’s numbers aren’t as good because this guy was a better operator.

This put me in an instant bad mood. All day it was all I could think about, then my press went down. The next day I ran a machine I haven’t ran since last September and wouldn’t you know, I messed up a job by overlooking telescoping rolls and had to throw a lot of it away. The more I threw away the more upset I got. I had to leave the room to cry, I considered asking to leave but just couldn’t face my boss. All I thought at the time was that I should be better by now.

I’m not sure how tomorrow will go if the guy is there again but I’ll have to face him for a while so I better swallow my hatred for him and just tell myself to deal with it.

I saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower this weekend. I LOVE it. Although some parts have absolutely horrible acting.

I bought myself a pack of 80’s Glam sharpies and to my sadness they bleed through my Moleskine. I bought a mixed media sketch book so hopefully that will work and I shall pour my thoughts while also writing a book with it. I’m excited about the project.

Through twitter I heard about this show called My Mad Fat Diary I watched the entire thing today and enjoyed that as well. If you have about six hours, check it out. It’s on YouTube. Be careful though, it can be triggering.

I suppose that’s all, thanks for listening.


Feeling Up

Today is the first day in a long while I have actually felt, calm. For the most part, I’m really trying to limit my texting to G. I wanted to go two days without doing it or just wait for him to text me but I texted him telling him I was sorry I told him I hated him. Personally, I don’t think that counts, it was a three message exchange and it was done. I’ll give myself a pass.

I really need to get back in the pool, almost went today but I didn’t. I bought a mouth guard to train with the Roller Derby team by my parents house on Thursday. I need to call and make sure they are still having practice though due to the holiday.

Surprisingly, I’m not bitter about the upcoming holiday in which I’m reminded how many years I’ve spent single. I actually plan to post my favorite love songs on Facebook for all to enjoy.

Thanks for reading.

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I couldn’t have said this better. When I’m not mad at G I’m gonna send him this. He’s unbelievably patient and could have walked away a million times but hasn’t.


Haven’t been feeling very great about myself lately. That’s why I haven’t really said much. Been laying in bed self loathing and fighting with my friend about how he’s not giving me enough attention.

I have poor social skills.

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30 Day Song Challenge Day 6

I realize I’m a day behind. It’s morning though so I can still pretend it’s yesterday.

A song you can always relate too: P!nk – Lonely Girl. This song has always resonated with me. It seems I’ve always been a lonely girl that is trying to find herself and never knows what she has. Hopefully one day that can change. : /

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A new med

For a long time I haven’t been able to sleep through the entire night without waking up at least twice in the night. Just to wake up, not to pee or anything.

I’ve brought this issue up to my psychiatrist because it leaves me feeling groggy all day long. He upped my dosage of Seroquel the last time I saw him but that still hasn’t helped.

Today I decided to call and get a prescription for Trazadone which was my other option the last time I saw him. The last thing I want to do is take another medication and have to remember taking it for that matter but if it helps me to sleep maybe it can help with my other cognitive functioning as well. We shall see.

Thanks for listening.


30 Day Song Challenge Day 5

A song that has a new meaning to you everytime you hear it – Simple Kind of Life – No Doubt. It’s weird to have new meaning with songs because songs are so constant but when I hear this song I always change my mind back and forth back and forth.

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30 Day Song Challenge Day 4

Sorry guys, I’m super tired so this will be my only update for the day.

A song that reminds you of something sad: Letters From The Sky by Civil Twilight.

Everytime I hear this song I’m reminded of one of my best friends growing up who has passed. I can’t help but think I could have changed things. I miss him everyday.

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