Undoing Crazy

Just when I was up I get dragged down

Because I’m not sure who reads this blog, I’m not going to go into specifics about exactly what happened last week. Although I promise to mention it to my individual therapist. I did skip group therapy tonight as I had the day off and the weather was bad and really I just didn’t want to leave the house.

Last week, Valentine’s Day to be exact. Which I should mention I decided not to be a grouch about still being single, but in a meeting one comment could almost drag me back to the hospital. I received a first shift position at my job due to a previous operator’s resignation. He was notorious for being a bad operator, with almost daily paperwork errors and “surprises” for the next step in our jobs. An ex boss made a comment about how this year’s numbers aren’t as good because this guy was a better operator.

This put me in an instant bad mood. All day it was all I could think about, then my press went down. The next day I ran a machine I haven’t ran since last September and wouldn’t you know, I messed up a job by overlooking telescoping rolls and had to throw a lot of it away. The more I threw away the more upset I got. I had to leave the room to cry, I considered asking to leave but just couldn’t face my boss. All I thought at the time was that I should be better by now.

I’m not sure how tomorrow will go if the guy is there again but I’ll have to face him for a while so I better swallow my hatred for him and just tell myself to deal with it.

I saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower this weekend. I LOVE it. Although some parts have absolutely horrible acting.

I bought myself a pack of 80’s Glam sharpies and to my sadness they bleed through my Moleskine. I bought a mixed media sketch book so hopefully that will work and I shall pour my thoughts while also writing a book with it. I’m excited about the project.

Through twitter I heard about this show called My Mad Fat Diary I watched the entire thing today and enjoyed that as well. If you have about six hours, check it out. It’s on YouTube. Be careful though, it can be triggering.

I suppose that’s all, thanks for listening.


Since being sick a second time…

Since I was put on bed rest I decided to open up the WordPress app and take a look at what has been going on in the mental health blogosphere. It has made me come to realize that since I got out of the hospital I really haven’t been taking my mental health goals as seriously as I should.

I just started my second round of DBT by my choice because I really didn’t do the homework like I should. And skills cards! Oh, those will be the death of me. However I did find a DBT App yesterday that I like. I do believe the name is just DBT. It allows you to keep daily skills cards and email them to yourself and your therapist. It also is a coach to explain the different aspects of DBT. It was $4.99 in the iTunes App Store and so far it’s been worth it.

I’m not very good at sticking with things but hopefully I can get it together to make myself a happier and healthier person. I’m going to start reading the Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide tonight and also try to work at my DBT homework again. When I first sat down to do it I wasn’t feeling very good about myself and was only able to write several self critical statements but no self compassion statements.

I need to start sticking to things! Any suggestions on how to are welcome.

Thanks for listening.