Self compassion and myself

I have a really hard time with self compassion, this may be a big reason why I can’t get any man on the face of this earth to like me.

I can list a million things that are wrong with me and only a couple that are admirable traits. Yet I can tell complete strangers to have faith in themselves when I don’t have complete faith in myself. I can also give strangers compliments like no tomorrow but can’t give myself any.

I’m not sure how to go about changing this, it’s just been how I’m feeling lately. Or maybe because I can’t get a man I feel worthless. I know I’m not supposed to judge my worth based on other people but it’s really hard not to.

On a side note, I’ve been having a lot dreams lately that center around a school. Different parts of school, last night it was a gym class and I also keep having a recurring dream that my favorite old teacher is hosting a convention with my director of HR. Dream moods.com says To dream that you are in school signifies feelings of inadequacy and childhood insecurities that have never been resolved. It may relate to anxieties about your performance and abilities.

Alternatively, a dream that takes place in school may be a metaphor for the lessons that you are learning from your waking life. You may be going through a “spiritual learning” experience.
Both could really be feasible.

Last night my father made a comment about how he can’t believe I still have a job because I’ve missed so much work. This did not help my state of mind as I’ve already been feeling guilty about this and feel guilt and shame about it on almost a daily basis. I just keep hearing the words from my review and worry that they’ll come up again. Oye! So stressed.

Since being sick a second time…

Since I was put on bed rest I decided to open up the WordPress app and take a look at what has been going on in the mental health blogosphere. It has made me come to realize that since I got out of the hospital I really haven’t been taking my mental health goals as seriously as I should.

I just started my second round of DBT by my choice because I really didn’t do the homework like I should. And skills cards! Oh, those will be the death of me. However I did find a DBT App yesterday that I like. I do believe the name is just DBT. It allows you to keep daily skills cards and email them to yourself and your therapist. It also is a coach to explain the different aspects of DBT. It was $4.99 in the iTunes App Store and so far it’s been worth it.

I’m not very good at sticking with things but hopefully I can get it together to make myself a happier and healthier person. I’m going to start reading the Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide tonight and also try to work at my DBT homework again. When I first sat down to do it I wasn’t feeling very good about myself and was only able to write several self critical statements but no self compassion statements.

I need to start sticking to things! Any suggestions on how to are welcome.

Thanks for listening.

It’s Been Awhile

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. I’d like to make this a regular thing again but I won’t make any promises I may not be able to keep.

I haven’t had thoughts of suicide in a long time, although I struggle with negative self talk almost everyday. I’m still in DBT group, I actually just started my second round of DBT group. Because I’m still struggling a lot and didn’t really do my homework like I should have I decided to take it over again.

I’ve been trying to date by using online dating sites but I haven’t had any luck and this has really torn me down. For the past couple weeks I really haven’t been feel good about myself.

I joined the Y and started to swim a couple days a week but I haven’t been in two weeks now and this week I was put on bed rest due to an icky virus. Hopefully I’ll start feeling better and can get back at it next week. Also, during the two weeks I was swimming I was also eating better, but when I took time off I went back to bad habits.

Work has been going well and I actually nailed a first shift spot. I’ve been really working hard to be at work all the time and I feel bad about not being there now.

I hope to keep you updated on my daily struggles if only to keep a log for myself. Hope you enjoyed reading.